Today is Thanksgiving Day here in Canada. At first I didn't feel much like celebrating anything. This wave of depression that has swept over me is drowning me. Alan decided that a drive up the river to Sarnia would be nice, so off we went. As we were driving along, I said to him, I am so thankful for this van, and I really meant it. God gave us quite a blessing when he blessed us with that vehicle. It has been very stable, not nickle and diming us to death like so many used vehicles are wont to do. It also get great gas mileage. Of course after I made that statement he replied about how thankful he was that the van was so reliable and good on gas etc. It just seemed to start a flood of thankfulness. We both started listing the things we were thankful for and considering it lasted for the entire hour's drive, we really have a lot to be thankful for.
One would think that with so much to be thankful for, that would lift all the depression but instead it just seemed to drive me farther into it. Ungrateful wrench that I am. I should be singing from the rooftops about how good God has been to me (and He has been wonderfully good) instead here I sit in the deepest of dungeouns.
I think right now if I were a coward I would take all my pills and end everything for once and for all. Since I am not a coward, I will face whatever comes and I will trust God to be there with me and help me through it. I want this to be over I am sick of it.