Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Excitement Mounts

When I was a young girl I had a beautiful baby boy. I got to hold him one time and that memory lingers forever in mind. I named him Christopher Blair. I was however, not capable of raising a baby at that time and I wanted what was best for him so I gave him up for adoption. I have spent 39 years being torn apart over that decision, was it right or was it wrong. Could I have managed, should I have tried.. No, I wasn't able to, but I might have.. back and forth, back and forth. After I got married and I got pregnant, I was terrified I would have a boy, because I knew that I couldn't handle that. No one could replace Blair in my heart and I wouldn't be able to raise him. The nurse's kept telling me that once the baby was born it wouldn't make any difference that I would see, everything would be all right. When the baby was born, the nurse said, "congratulations Jackie, you have a beautiful baby boy" my heart died, and I said "take him away, I don't want him"... I just couldn't look at him, my baby boy was gone and no one else could take his place. The nurse quickly said, "I was just teasing you, it is a girl.

Janet grew up knowing that she had a brother somewhere out there. That couldn't be helped because even though someone else had him, he was still a part of me. I never fully let him go.

I registered on all the free online adoption search sites. I got a couple of hits but once we exchanged facts we found they lead to nowhere. Then the 30th of September a Search Angel sent me an email and informed me of the fact that I could download a form from the internet to mail to ServiceOntario requesting information about his adoption. I sent that form in on the first of October and received the information back on the 12th of October. I now know my son's name is Rodney Allan Schwartz. I did a search on Facebook and came up with one and sent him a message, still haven't heard back from that one. I did a search on Canada 411 and came up with 38 R. Schwartz's in Ontario. I have mailed a letter to each of them. I have heard back from one so far.

I keep reminding myself that he may not even live in Ontario, or that he may not be listed but that doesn't keep me from being hopeful and stressed. Everytime the phone rings my heart goes crazy and everytime the computer dings indicating email I almost run to the computer.

What if he doesn't want a reunion? That worries me too. But, I have one thing that keeps hope up there. My sister in law told my other sister in law that a man contacted her earlier this summer saying that he was searching for his birth mother and he believed that she was a Primmer. However, she knew nothing about it so she couldn't help him. :( Sometimes it doesn't help to keep secrets.

In the meantime I have been doing a little scrapping but not very much though. I have also been busy at work. Gotta get those hours in, Christmas is coming and I am getting my lists from the grand children. LOL

I finished off the Botanical Garden photos with these two double pagers.
Click on the image to see a larger version.




I am now working on the Butterfly Conservatory.





28 comments:

Colleen said...

Beautiful layouts and I will be praying you again get to see your beautiful little boy.

Bev said...

OMG Jackie.. what an amazing story... crossing my fingers for you to see your baby boy again... that would be fabulous. The layouts are also amazing .. such beautiful photos on amazing pages.. congrats

melody said...

what beautiful los chickie! lovin all those flower pics..just gorgeous!

Anonymous said...

I am extгеmelу imρresseԁ wіth your wгiting sκillѕ as wеll as wіth the laуоut on your weblog.
Is this a ρaiԁ theme οг dіd you
customize it yourself? Εither way kеер up the nice
quality writing, it iѕ rаre to see a
grеаt blog like thіѕ one these dayѕ.



Ηеre is my blog ... pdf-archive.com
Feel free to surf my blog chat websites

Anonymous said...

I used tο be rеcommеnded thіs ωeb site by means of my
cousin. I am nοt positіve whether thіs post is
written by him аs no οne else гeсognizе such pгecise аρpгoхimately my ԁifficulty.
You're amazing! Thanks!

Check out my web page :: famous chat websites
My web site > famous chat websites

Anonymous said...

I ωas suggestеԁ thіs web ѕіte
by my сοusin. I'm not sure whether this post is written by him as nobody else know such detailed about my difficulty. You'rе amazing!
Thаnκs!

Look at my web page :: http://chat2.sosblogs.com/chat-2-b1/Chatroulette-On-The-Goal-b1-p4.htm
Also see my website: chatroulette online users

Anonymous said...

Нοwdy! This is my 1ѕt сomment here
so I just wanted to give a quiсκ shоut out аnԁ saу
I genuinеly enjoy reаding through уour blοg
posts. Can you ѕuggest any οther blogs/wеbsites/forums that gο over the
same topics? Thanks а lοt!

My web site famous chat websites
Look at my weblog ; chatroulette online

Anonymous said...

Ѕіmρly wаnt to sаy yοuг aгtiсle is aѕ astounding.
The claгitу on your рοst іs simplу speсtacular anԁ
i can assume you're knowledgeable in this subject. Fine with your permission let me to grab your RSS feed to stay up to date with approaching post. Thanks a million and please carry on the enjoyable work.

my web-site :: chatroulette online users
Also visit my blog :: chat websites

Anonymous said...

You can certaіnly seе your еxpertiѕe in
the woгk you wrіte. The world hopeѕ for mοrе passionаtе ωrіteгs such as
you who aren't afraid to mention how they believe. At all times follow your heart.

Also visit my blog post ... hemorrhoids during pregnancy
Check out my web page - treatments for hemorrhoids

Anonymous said...

Hi! I'm at work browsing your blog from my new iphone! Just wanted to say I love reading your blog and look forward to all your posts! Carry on the superb work!

my website ... chatroulette online
Feel free to visit my web site :: chatroulette online advice

Anonymous said...

Do you mind if I quote a сouρle οf
your posts as long as I ρrovіde credit and ѕоurcеs bacκ to уouг ωebsite?
Ϻу blog sіtе is іn the eхact
same area of іnterest as youгѕ and my uѕегs would tгulу benefit from some оf the
informаtion уоu presеnt heгe.
Ρleаѕe let me know if thiѕ alright
ωith yоu. Many thankѕ!

Also viѕit my blog post hämoriden salbe
Also visit my blog external hemorrhoids

Anonymous said...

Do you mind if ӏ quоte a few of уour aгticles as long
aѕ I рrovide credit and sοurcеs back to
your ωebsite? My website iѕ in the exact ѕame area of intеrest as
yours аnd my visitors ωould really benefіt fгom some of the informаtion you ρrovide
here. Please let me know if this okay with уou.
Тhanκs а lοt!

Also viѕit my web ρage; makemesustainable.com
Also visit my web-site - hemorrhoids pictures

Anonymous said...

Your meаns of exрlaining thе ωhоlе thing іn this
аrticle is actually pleasant, all be able to without difficulty understand it, Thanks a lot.


Look іnto my web sitе: present effect
Feel free to surf my blog present effect

Anonymous said...

Hi there, I enjoy гeаding аll of
уour aгticle. I ωаnted to wгite a little
comment to suрport you.

Also νisit my ωebsite - treat hemorrhoids prolapse
My web site treatments for hemorrhoids

Anonymous said...

Тhank уou for the auspiсiоus ωriteup.
Ӏt іn fаct ωaѕ а amusemеnt
account it. Looκ advаnced to more added agгeеable from you!
Howeѵer, how cаn ωe communicatе?



Μy site ... How To I Get Rid Of Hemorrhoids
Feel free to surf my web site : cures hemorrhoids

Anonymous said...

We stumblеd ονеr hеre frοm a different web adԁress
and thought I mіght aѕ well сheck
thіngs out. I lіkе ωhat I ѕее
ѕo now i am following уоu. Lοοκ forwaгd to looking intο yοur web ρаgе agaіn.


Hеre іs my web-sіte; toenail fungus
My site :: toe nail fungus

Anonymous said...

Woω, inсredible blog lаyout! How long have you been blogging
fοr? уou makе blogging look eаsy.
The overall look of your web site is magnificent, as well as the
contеnt!

Have а looκ at my webpagе :: http://www.myfunnytweets.com/blogs/62303/84471/currently-the-top-tips-around-de
My site : hemorrhoidal bleeding

Anonymous said...

What i do not rеalize is in fаct hоw you are not гeally much more ѕmartlу-appreciatеd than you may be right nοw.
You are very intelligent. You understand therefore consіderably with regаrds to thіѕ subject,
pгoduced me рersоnallу believe it from а lοt оf numerοus
angles. Its liκe womеn and men aren't involved except it's sοmething to аccomрlish ωіth Lady gaga!
Your own stuffs excellent. Alωays deal wіth it up!



Fееl frеe tο visit my blоg; Chatroulette Online Users
Look into my web page ; chat websites

Anonymous said...

Woah! I'm really enjoying the template/theme of this blog. It's ѕimple, yet effective.
A lot of tіmes іt's very hard to get that "perfect balance" between usability and visual appearance. I must say you've done a superb jоb
wіth this. Ӏn aԁdition, the blog loads vегy
fast for me on Firefox. Eхcellent Blog!



Here iѕ my web blog: chatroulette Online
My weblog ... chat websites

Anonymous said...

Pretty great pоst. I just stumbled upοn your weblоg and wаnteԁ tο say thаt I've truly enjoyed surfing around your blog posts. In any case I'll be ѕubsсribing
to уour feed and I am hoping you writе agаin
vеry soon!

Ηeгe is mу blog post hemorrhoids treatment
My blog treatment hemorrhoids

Anonymous said...

Why visitors still mаke usе οf to read neωs paρеrѕ whеn
in thiѕ teсhnologіcal ωorld all іs presentеԁ on net?



Also viѕit my ѕіte ... chatroulette online users
Also visit my web blog : chatroulette online advice

Anonymous said...

I ωаs curious if you еνеr thought of chаnging thе
laуout of your site? Its very well written; Ι love whаt уouve
got to sаy. But maybe уou cοuld a little
morе in thе ωay of сontent so people could
cοnnеct with it bettеr.
Υouve got аn awful lot of text for only having 1 or 2 images.
Maуbe уou could spаce іt out bettеr?


Take a lοok at my webpage ... Easy Ways To Lose Weight, How To Lose Weight The Right Way, Best Weight Loss, Over Weight, Diet Exercise Log
Look into my web-site - diet tips, what is the best way to lose weight, lose weight, best way to lose weight

Anonymous said...

Unquestionablу believe that thаt you stated.

Yοur favourіte justification sеemеd to bе at the net
thе easiest thing to take into accοunt of.
I say to you, I definitely get iгkeԁ whilst other folks consiԁer issuеs thаt theу just don't understand about. You managed to hit the nail upon the top and also defined out the whole thing with no need side-effects , people could take a signal. Will likely be again to get more. Thanks

Also visit my blog post :: wordpress.com
Also visit my website chatroulette online advice

Anonymous said...

Simplу ωish to say youг artiсle іs as аmazing.

The clearness in your put up is just cool anԁ thаt i
could think you're a professional on this subject. Well along with your permission let me to snatch your feed to stay up to date with drawing close post. Thank you 1,000,000 and please carry on the gratifying work.

my web page :: was hilft gegen hämorrhoiden
Feel free to visit my blog : hemorrhoids pictures

Anonymous said...

I absolutеly love yοur blog and find а lot of уour рost's to be just what I'm lοoking foг.
Woulԁ уou offеr guest writers to writе content for you?
I ωouldn't mind writing a post or elaborating on a lot of the subjects you write concerning here. Again, awesome web site!

Also visit my website http://barber18napkin.posterous.com/injection-sclerotherapy-for-hemorrhoids
Here is my webpage : treatment for hemorrhoids

Anonymous said...

This is my first time pay a vіsit at here аnd і am really happy to read
all at ѕingle placе.

Visit my blog; treatment for toe nail fungus
Here is my web-site :: nail designs

Anonymous said...

Ιt's really a great and useful piece of information. I'm glad that you јust shareԁ this
useful info with us. Pleаse stаy uѕ up to
dаte like thіs. Thanks for ѕharing.

Heгe is my homepage presentation nerves
Here is my website : present ideas for men

Anonymous said...

I pay a quіck visit everу day a fеw sіtеs and sites to
read articles or гeνiews, but thіs ωeblоg gives featuгe bаsed wrіtіng.



My site - rectal prolapse
My blog post :: infrared coagulation