You are not going to find a lot of shit posted here on this blog. I is more or less for me to record my ups and downs. and right now I am having one huge down. IYesterday I felt first like was ambushed by a total stranger and then expected to give her all the gory details of my life. Said details that I won't even talk about with Janet or alan but I am supposed to talk about them with this perfect stranger. when I told her no, that I would rather just talk to dr fairbairn, he informs me that if I don't talk to her for at least 7 minutes, he will no longer be my doctor., that he will turn me over to one of the other phychs all of which I hate with a passion. So I did try to talk to her but I after about the third or fourth question I started feeling trapped and like tjere wasn't escape, I started to smother and had to get out of there fast. So I jumped up and ran, amd ram amd ran until the air started fillin my lungs again.
I am not sure what on earth I am going ot do now without Dr Fairbairn, goodness only knows he has been the only one I have had any sense of an anhcor with in the past. I thank God that I managed to find a full bottom of Lourazapam in my drawer because for right now they are what is keeping going. When they run out I don't know where I'll go from there. I will just play it by ear I guess and wait and see what happens.